


DOING TAXES (IS EVEN LESS FUN THAN IT SOUNDS)

by Aydeen



Category: DCU (Comics), Green Lantern - All Media Types, The Flash - All Media Types
Genre: Domestic Fluff, M/M, doing your taxes is serious business
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 14:09:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18523138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aydeen/pseuds/Aydeen
Summary: Carol had reminded Hal a few days ago that since he had worked for her this year and received payment, he had to do his taxes this year.So with only a few hours until his deadline, Hal had done what any reasonable man would do: admitting defeat with his head held high and calling the smartest person he knew to save his ass.Which brought him here, sitting on the floor of his living room, old and new wage slips and a thousand other papers everywhere and Barry on the couch behind him, highlighter in hand and obviously the only person in the room who had any clue whatsoever what they were doing.





	DOING TAXES (IS EVEN LESS FUN THAN IT SOUNDS)

**Author's Note:**

> For meinctutw because she got tired of all the world ending events in the comics and wanted something normal and harmless for a change. "I'd settle for a story about them doing their taxes, really!"  
> You wish is my command. XD

"Wait! I'm supposed to do what? Barry, slow down for a second!" Hal was sitting among a sea of papers that Barry seemed to have pulled from everywhere. Hal was sure he had even taken some out of his sock drawer!

Carol had reminded Hal a few days ago that since he had worked for her this year and received payment, he had to do his taxes this year. She wouldn’t do it for him again as she had before. Hal got that. He really did. Carol was a very busy and hard working business woman that had better things to do than waste time on her ex-boyfriend and as she had told him it would hopefully help him mature a bit. _How_ he had no idea so far. Maybe some crying after a nervous breakdown would do the trick. Hal was quite good at math - had to be as a pilot - but this here was far beyond anything he had ever learned in a classroom.

So with only a few hours until his deadline, Hal had done what any reasonable man would do: admitting defeat with his head held high and calling the smartest person he knew to save his ass.

Which brought him here, sitting on the floor of his living room, old and new wage slips and a thousand other papers everywhere and Barry on the couch behind him, highlighter in hand and obviously the only person in the room who had any clue whatsoever what they were doing.

“Barry.”

It resembled a whine more than an actual name and Hal was close to just calling it quits and facing his inevitable death by Carol’s rage. What alien dictators and even the embodiment of Death itself hadn’t been able to do, a few black numbers on a white piece of paper did without even really trying. The more he stared at them, them more he could swear they were mocking him. After a few seconds without blinking they became blurry and started to merge with each other until Hal could only see rows and rows of black lines. He threw the pages in his hand towards the ground; but instead of making a satisfying “thump” noise, they just scattered everywhere in his living room, undoing his work of the last 20 minutes.

“Maybe I am as dumb as Bats keeps telling me I am.” Hal said mostly to himself as he leaned back against Barry’s legs and let his head fall back.

He knew he wasn’t dumb. He had to take college classes to become an Air Force pilot for Christ's sake! He wasn’t genius level smart like Bruce or Barry but that still didn’t make him dumb. Compared to their intellects almost everyone looked dumb.

A strand of hair kept falling into his face and Hal tried repeatedly to puff it away before Barry brushed it away with his hand.

“It’s okay. You only need to follow a few easy rules and avoid some common pitfalls.”

Hal let out a humorless laugh. He had had to learn alien languages and customs that seemed less complex than this. How did other people do this? No wonder so many people paid others to do it for them.

“This feels like an entirely new language. I don’t even know where to start.”

By now, Barry’s hand had started running through Hal’s hair and lightly scratching his scalp with his short nails. Once those nails started their way down Hal’s neck, he almost started groaning from how good it felt and moving into the touch.

“You know,” Barry started almost absentmindedly. “Carol is right. You should know how to do this by now. It’s not like this is the first year you’ve ever been employed.”

As much as Barry’s touch was calming him down, his words riled him up again.

“But I don’t! Carol always had this done for me.”

Hal banged his head against Barry’s knees a few times in frustration and his boyfriend picked up his petting to calm Hal down again.

“This is just a normal part of being an adult, Hal. Understanding it the first time is a bit difficult but it will be really easy next time around. I promise.”

Hal himself was now close to pouting. It didn’t seem fair that apparently every other adult he knew had gotten some manual on how this shit worked and he’d just never received it and was now desperately playing catch-up. No mother or father in his life to show him the ropes of what was expected of him. But to be fair, his little brother Jimmy hadn’t had anyone either and he was pretty good at being an adult. So maybe Hal himself was at fault after all.

“But I’m not an actual functioning adult, am I? As Diana likes to remind me I’m a human-shaped disaster...and a man child. She _really_ likes to call me man child.” Hal especially emphasized the last part. Maybe he shouldn’t have shamelessly flirted with her when they had first gotten to know each other. Barry _had_ warned him. Not that Hal had listened.

“Ouch! Hey!”

Hal reflexively pulled his head away from Barry’s hand that had just tweaked his ear and started massaging it while grumbling.

“What the fuck was that for?”

Barry tried to look stern but looked mostly apologetic because he must have pulled harder than he intended to. He slowly reached for Hal’s head again and carefully started stroking the tip of Hal’s ear between his thumb and forefinger as a peace offering but reprimanded him anyway.

“Don’t call yourself that.”

That made Hal snort and leer back at Barry over his shoulder, wiggling his eyebrows for emphasize like a fifteen years old trying to put the moves on for the first time.

“Who are you? My mom? Because that would be really awkward with some of the things we do.”

He could see Barry trying to fight it but a small grin still slipped onto his face. Yup, he loved Hal’s immature humor, no matter how much he was saying differently.

“Oh my god, you’re disgusting, Hal!”

Barry huffed out a laugh a few times and pulled his hand back from Hal’s ear but before he could really get anywhere Hal grabbed hold of Barry’s wrist, pulled the hand to his face and licked a wet stripe along the palm.

“Uwaaa!”

Not having expected that, Barry pulled his hand away faster than any human eye could follow and instinctively cradled it against his chest. Barry’s face was displaying a weird mixture between grossed out and scandalized while Hal was laughing at his feet. After a few seconds, Barry’s brain seemed to have rebooted and he wiped the spit away on his boyfriend’s shirt.

“You weren’t so disgusted when I licked you last night.”

Hal’s words were followed by him sticking his tongue out.

“Diana is right. You _are_ a man child!”

But Barry’s words sounded far too fond to actually be meant as an insult and when Hal silently mouthed the word “Yes” at him and grinned in a far too smug way, Barry pulled his head back for a kiss.

Due to the awkward angle on his neck, Hal was the first to pull out of the kiss and catch sight of the mess in front of them again. Right, they were sitting here for a reason.

“I only have about half a day left until Carol will pin my balls to her wall as a warning to every other guy to ever piss her off. You promised to help me avoid that!”

He tried the cutest puppy dog eyes he could muster and while normally that proved a bit difficult for a 6’2” tall guy built like a professional quarterback, the angle played to his advantage and after a few seconds, Barry sighed.

“I did. And I _am_ helping you. How about we take a short break, I’ll grab us something to eat and then we try working through the first few pages again. _Together_.”

Hal pecked Barry on the lips again, awkward angle be damned and nuzzled him under the chin.

“Thanks man. You’re the best.”

Barry hummed pleased at the affectionate gesture and then got up to go out and fetch them something to eat.

“Well, I’d quite like my boyfriend to stay in one piece if possible.”

Almost as if in a trance, Hal watched his boyfriend pull on his shoes and jacket, grab his keys and turn around at the front door to talk to him again.

It took Hal’s brain a few tries to decipher that Barry had just ordered him to sort his papers by date and type until he was back with food and before Hal could object, his boyfriend had already slipped out the apartment door.

“God dammit, Barry!”

**Author's Note:**

> And because I couldn't fit this into the story anymore but it was way too funny to just hide it on my computer. This was actually the conversation between Hal and Barry that set this whole thing off. 
> 
> “Wait a second! How much of a tax benefit would we get if we were married?! Barry! Let’s travel to Vegas and get married!”  
> “Hal no! And you don’t even pay taxes to begin with!”  
> “And if we were married I’d pay even less!”


End file.
